And boy do I know how you feel, little buddy. I wake up in the morning with big plans for the day. Plans for peace and harmony and no sibling bickering. For calmness with Rollin when he doesn't listen for the fiftieth time. And composure when I spend all morning getting the girls' Reflections entries matted at two separate frame shops only to have Rollin bolt into the car and step on Sela's most prized piece, in an attempt to hide the Pez dispenser he just STOLE from the craft store (we took it back).
I also make plans for carving out time to prepare simple healthy meals. Plans to find a chunk of time to catch up on emails, projects, and a school program I'm in charge of. Time to think about birthdays and Christmas. I have this goal to have everything ordered and done by December 1. I want to enjoy and experience the Christmas season. Just the thought of running to the mall or Target or any store in December to get some lame last minute gift makes me cringe. But I have made little headway on my goals. The kids are nuts. We are eating a rotation of our three go-to meals (salmon burgers, fish tacos, and homemade pizzas) so much that even I'm sick of them. And I'm tired. So tired.
I go to bed defeated every night. I know it's only Tuesday, but I'm exhausted. My kids have humbled me so much, it's almost laughable. It's so interesting how one day or week I can feel like things are going incredibly well, like I'm the mother I want to be. And then the next I'm ready tho throw in the towel.
Thankfully I have tennis tonight. I'm going to wack the heck out of that ball :)
6 comments:
Oh Ashley I'm right there with you. The laundry has taken over, don't even ask about the bathrooms, and with 2 dogs and 1 million pine needles in our backyard my floors look like, well they look like they need to be vacuumed. I'm realizing that this going back to school thing really messes up the mothering thing. And even when I wasn't in school the mothering thing could be really tricky. Hit the ball for me a few time's will you.
hey, you have 4 kids. FOUR! of course you feel tired. the other day after throwing camilla's bedding into the wash for the 6th time that week I thought, "really? she's here for another 15 YEARS at least???? I really don't know if I'll make it" But then she cuddled with me and I felt better :)
I hope you have a better day today.
Does it help you to know this post, along with many of your others, makes me feel better about my experience with motherhood! I always think that it's wonderfully EXHAUSTING...and I only have ONE!
Ashley, you are super mom and your children love you! All of your patience and long-suffering make all the difference in their little and someday grown-up lives!
As for those Pez candy dispencers...they've caused a stir around our house too! :)
Oh, and I remember what you've said, tomorrow can only be better. Right!
what mother can't relate?! you are an amazing mother Ash, no need to worry there :) love you!
glad fish tacos made your list because i have eaten so many the last month it is embarrassing, really.
My dad always says, "Let go of the outcome." Meaning, we have a picture of how we want something to turn out (a day of mothering, Christmas, dinner, etc.) and if we let go of that and enjoy the moment we'll have more meaning in our experiences. I've been forced to do this during this past year and can attest that a burden is lifted when we "let go". Make big goals when they are older, and keep timing those horse races for now!
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