Reflecting on Motherhood

It's been a bit of a hard last few days. Nothing major, just some hard mommy days. I haven't felt too good and I'm really tired lately. Zig's schedule this time of the year is very busy so most days I've been home all day and night alone. I'm not having a pity party at all, I am very blessed, and often this schedule doesn't phase me. But this week was one I could have used some backup. I felt like I fell short with the kids by being too occupied with other things (mostly trying to finish Christmas stuff) to play each time Nina asked, and I was not so patient with Rollin when he cracked one of our cabinets in the kitchen (he has an eye for the most expensive things to repair and goes right for them, bless his little heart), and the list could go on. But tonight I was reading on Mothering and there was a post about a woman who posts on the site who passed away in her sleep, unexpectedly. Totally healthy, two little girls, a complete shock. After I read that, I immediately wanted to go jump in bed and cuddle my little ones. Not because I feel guilty, I try hard to do my best, and it is discouraging to come up short, but guilt doesn't help much. But I just reflected on what a blessing each day is and my precious children are my most treasured gift. I don't want to waste the moments and I told Zig tonight, I just want to sit and play with the kids all day tomorrow and listen and look into their eyes. They are each such wonderful little people. I will miss these days of their early childhood, which are so quickly fleeting, when sweet Rollin is perfectly content to wear a headband and ride a horse as Mary's little Joseph.